Introduction

Let’s be honest, the holidays can be hard. They can flat-out suck sometimes but you know what, sometimes it's okay to let them suck. We just need to be aware of it and our vulnerability and use our discomfort as an opportunity to be kinder to ourselves.

The holidays can be hard for many reasons. You may be broke as hell, you may have had a recent loss, or you might just be worried about seeing family and maybe in-laws. Or maybe, you don’t have family, and that in itself sucks.

The holidays bring about a time of year when people are more likely to feel lonely, sad, or anxious. This is partially due to the stress of expectations surrounding the season—from buying gifts to hosting parties or having to attend them—and partly because of how we are still dealing with the aftereffects of a crazy world pandemic and lingering social anxiety not to mention its flu season.

So the holidays bring about family time. Yeah, you hear about it all the time, the crazy "holiday family" stories. Family fights, arrests, and God forbid, a scene out of Christmas Vacation or Roseanne. Seriously, family is something that can be wonderful to have, but it can also be a very stressful topic. For example, for me, family has often evoked very negative and stressful emotions. As someone who was adopted and has bad childhood memories attached to family, the holiday season was always a difficult and lonely time for me, until I had a family of my own and even then, it was sometimes very difficult to get through. 

On the other hand, sometimes family time can be wonderful too! It can be full of togetherness and bonding, laughter, and sharing, or so I am told. For me, the good parts were watching the faces of my kids light up when they saw the Christmas tree finally lit, watching them open their presents in pure excitement on Christmas morning, or crashing in my arms at the end of the day from pure Christmas exhaustion. Now, as my children are grown and have moved away, the holidays take on a new existence for me, somewhat bittersweet. Not knowing whether they will be home for the holidays, I find myself feeling anxious and sad but incredibly proud. Proud of the amazing, strong, and independent adults they have become. I know they are working and serving their country and I am forever proud of their success. Whichever way it turns out, whether they are home with me or not, I have come to realize that I am blessed, God has blessed me with three amazing children. And, I have a wonderful man and his family surrounding me, so while family and the holidays have not always been a positive thing for me, I find the positive in what I do have and that allows me to persevere. So with that in mind, I challenge you to do the same.

It's important not to let the holidays get the best of you.

There's no reason to let the holidays get the best of you. Self-care is of the utmost importance in managing holiday stress. The following are tips for keeping your stress levels down so that you can enjoy the season with your loved ones, whether family or friends:

• Don't allow yourself to be controlled by stress. With enough preparation and planning, it's possible to avoid feeling overwhelmed by this time of year. Take some time out every day—even if it's just a short walk around the block—to relax and clear your mind before returning home or going back into work mode.

• Don't let stress limit what you do in life. It may seem like there isn't enough time in the day between holiday shopping, office, and family gatherings; but if you plan ahead by prioritizing which are most important to you, then there will always be enough hours in each day for everything else as well!

Know what your triggers are before you go into these situations.

Know what makes you uncomfortable, happy, sad, angry, and anxious. Know what makes you calm. These are the fundamental building blocks of a happy life. If we don't know how to identify these emotions in ourselves it's impossible for us to regulate ourselves or to be at peace with others or within ourselves.

We can use this information about ourselves as a guide when entering situations where our triggers might be present. For example: If I know that candlelight dinners make me upset because they remind me of my mom who died due to cancer when I was just 10 years old then going on a candlelight dinner date would probably not be the best idea for someone like me who has PTSD from losing their mother so young! Knowing this beforehand could prevent an argument from happening between you two if he tries to woo you with romance or flowers during that special meal out together...because he'll understand why it’s upsetting rather than making him feel bad about his actions later down the road!

If you're going to see people who trigger you, plan what to do if things start to get uncomfortable.

A great way to avoid getting triggered is to prepare ahead of time. If you know that someone who triggers you will be at a holiday gathering, make a plan for how you can get out of the situation if things start to get uncomfortable.

One option is to just leave early, but then there's the problem of being seen as rude or anti-social by anyone who notices. A better solution would be creating a distraction so that no one sees when you slip away, such as asking someone else in the room for help with something (like writing down an address). In this way, none of your guests will realize that they were the reason why you left; instead, they'll think that there was some other pressing matter at hand which required immediate attention!

If nothing else works out and things do start getting uncomfortable as predicted—or worse yet—then try using humor:

If you're not going to see people who trigger you, still take some time to relax and do things that will help you feel calmer.  Take a walk. Go see a movie with friends. Cuddle up with your pet and read a book (or watch TV). Do something that makes you feel good—because if you don’t, then no one else will, either!

As a society, we've been taught that we should try to be happy all the time. That if you're not happy, then something's wrong with you. That’s bullshit! It’s okay not to be okay sometimes.  And it's okay to admit the holidays suck sometimes!

They're stressful and can make us feel vulnerable because there is so much pressure to be perfect in our lives during this time of year. We need more than ever to remind ourselves that it's okay if things don't go as planned; it doesn't mean our lives are ruined forever or that there is something inherently wrong with us as human beings.

Take some time for yourself and cut yourself some slack. I hope you've found these tips helpful and that they have given you some ideas for how to survive the holidays. If not, feel free to reach out, and let’s work together to figure out a plan.