Own Your Shit: The Raw Truth About Forgiveness

Unfuck Yourself: How Forgiveness Sets You Free

The truth is, these are both options that I considered as titles for this blog because they so accurately describe what I want to say to you. They are the truth behind what forgiveness is all about. There’s a common misconception that forgiveness is about letting people off the hook or being weak but that’s bullshit; it’s not about that. Forgiveness is about setting your brain free because our brains have a tendency to fuck themselves. They keep us in a loop, a spiral. and we do this to ourselves for days for weeks, months, years, decades. We sit and ruminate in our brains, and think about all the ways that people have hurt us or let us down; the way things have happened that we can’t let go of or even worse, the way we have let ourselves or others down. And we can’t let that shit go. We get angry, sad, depressed, vindictive. We isolate, we overwork ourselves, we push to the max, we numb, we walk away. You know what I’m talking about, that’s why you’re reading this. Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s time to let that shit go. It’s not about letting anybody or anything off the hook. It’s about letting that shit go because otherwise you are gonna play this game, for the rest of your life. And it’s gonna haunt the fuck out of you, and eat at you, at your core.  It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. So just fuck’n stop, right now. And read on.

In this deep dive, we're going to cut through the bullshit and explore the raw truth about forgiveness. Drawing from my own battles and the lyrics of Kane Brown's song "Learning," yeah, I’m turning to country with this one, we'll uncover the real deal about holding onto grudges, the badass power of forgiveness, and how it gives us the strength to take back control of our lives.

The Weight of Grudges

Let's kick this off by shining a light on the heavy-ass burden of grudges, especially those born from family and childhood trauma. Let me tell you, holding onto that shit can weigh us down like a ton of bricks, both emotionally and physically:

• - Emotional Impact:

•   - Anger, betrayal, and resentment festering like a cancer

•   - Struggling to build real connections with others

•   - Feeling like we're not worth a damn

•   - Dealing with long-term psychological turmoil like depression and anxiety

• - Physical Impact:

•   - Constantly feeling like we're on edge, leading to a whole host of health problems

•   - Higher risk of heart disease and other serious conditions

•   - Our immune system taking a hit, making us more prone to getting sick

•   - Tossing and turning all night because our mind won't shut the hell up, leaving us drained as hell

For me, carrying the weight of childhood trauma inflicted by a family member was like dragging an anchor through life. The emotional scars ran deep, and that shit affected every damn part of my existence. You can carry scars and memories that you don’t even remember, but your body does. Ask me for more information about how body memories work.

In Kane Brown's "Learning," every stumble, every scar is part of the ride. For me, forgiveness became the game-changer in healing from childhood trauma. Therapy and some serious soul-searching taught me that forgiveness isn't about excusing others' actions; it's about freeing ourselves from the chains of resentment. And this includes forgiving yourself if it’s you that you’re beating up for something.

• - Emotional Healing:

•   - Letting go of all that pent-up anger and resentment

•   - Embracing some self-compassion and acceptance

•   - Feeling like we're not stuck in a never-ending shitstorm anymore

•   - Being able to understand where others are coming from, even if they're asshats (you’ll learn this is a favorite word of mine)

• - Physical Healing:

•   - Lowering that stress level and feeling like we can finally breathe

•   - Beefing up our immune system and telling sickness to get lost

•   - Finally getting some quality shut-eye and feeling like we could take on the whole damn world

•   - Saying goodbye to all that chronic pain and crap that came with holding onto the grudge

Confronting my childhood trauma in therapy and making a conscious effort to forgive brought some serious emotional and physical relief. Letting go of that grudge allowed me to reclaim my self-worth and rebuild some healthier relationships along the way. I took my power and control back, and reclaimed the real estate in my brain and heart that previously was occupied by so much pain of the past. Forgiveness frees up our brain space and our hearts; you reclaim precious real estate, power, and control that the past held. Reclaim it!

Therapy, self reflection, and a hell of a lot of self work were my tools on the ride to forgiveness and healing. Through some hardcore techniques and some kickass guidance, I learned to confront the roots of my trauma and develop some solid coping strategies. Unhealthy coping skills only continues to give your power and control away. You think you’re in control but you’re not. Trust me, it sucks to realize that, but it’s true.

• - Therapeutic Techniques:

•   - Flipping the script on all those negative beliefs and thought patterns

•   - Processing those messed-up memories like a boss with techniques like EMDR

•   - Getting some serious zen with mindfulness practices and learning how to regulate those emotions.

•   - Digging deep into that inner child stuff and learning to love ourselves like we damn well deserve

Therapy gave me some serious insights into my family dynamics and gave me the tools to set some boundaries to protect my emotional well-being. Every session brought me a step closer to forgiveness and liberation from the past.

Rising Above the Bullshit

First, let me reiterate, forgiveness isn't about letting asshats off the hook; it's about taking back control of our lives. By letting go of grudges, we break free from the power they continue to have over our brains, our emotions, and our hearts. We take back our real estate and stop giving them the energy and the power.  This means:

•   - Taking the reins on our own narrative and emotional well-being

•   - Telling resentment and bitterness to go

•   - Cultivating some serious resilience and strength in the face of some heavy crap

•   - Building some real connections and some badass relationships along the way

Forgiveness allowed me to reclaim my power and say goodbye to letting past trauma dictate my future. Letting go of that grudge released me from the grip of pain and gave me the courage to pursue some real healing and happiness. I now have a life; one without the chains of trying to be someone I’m not.

Remember, the road to forgiveness is a ride, not some quick fix. It takes some serious guts, some compassion, and a whole lot of self-reflection, but the payoff is worth it. So rise above the crap and give it a chance. I’m here when you’re ready to start the work.

- Adrienne