Slay Your Anxiety Dragon!

I’ve spent the last week on an Alaskan cruise, surrounded by like-minded individuals all learning about our trade. I have spent this week in awe, reflecting on this opportunity, and thankful to be able to engage in this type of work-learning endeavor. Whoever would have thought that I would be here, doing this? I sure as hell didn’t.

I’ve spent a lot of this trip reflecting on my personal growth. A year ago I was not anywhere near being comfortable or confident enough to do something like this. I doubted myself, had social anxiety about being around strangers, and would have never considered traveling alone. In fact, I went from being a social butterfly all through high school and my early 20s to being completely shut down, self-doubting, and sabotaging thanks to a destructive marriage and relationship.

It was around this time last year when I decided to push myself out of my comfort zone and on a whim, signed up for a training retreat in Cabo San Lucas. Not knowing what to expect and never having traveled out of the country by myself, I was a bit nervous, a bit anxious, but determined. As I sit here in a hot tub in the middle of the ocean, I am so thankful that I pushed through the anxiety. I knew it would be uncomfortable initially but I knew I needed and wanted to do it. And it was there that I rediscovered the survivor within.

So how did I do it? How did I work through all the fears associated with traveling, meeting people I didn’t know and being with them for almost a week, speaking in front of them (my public speaking phobia was huge), sharing things about myself, imposter syndrome, fear of being judged, etc? Well, I started at the beginning. I acknowledged the anxiety, the fear of not knowing anyone, and not feeling confident in myself, and pushed through by reminding myself that whatever catastrophic fears I had imagined in my head, were just that, in my head. I reminded myself that we were all there for a common purpose, these people didn’t know me so they would not have any reason to be thinking anything negative about me, and if they did judge my clothes, my hair, my whatever, who cares. I challenged why the opinions of complete strangers even mattered to me and why I was letting that cause me anxiety especially when it hadn’t even happened yet, it was something I was creating in my head. And I realized that all of these things, I was creating in my head. I was creating all of these potential situations in my head and allowing them to freak me out, and there was no reason to. So, I changed my pattern of thinking and that allowed me to go into it with a much calmer and more confident perspective. Was I still a little bit nervous, of course, for a little bit, but the catastrophic worst-case scenario thoughts were gone.

What I did was a simple CBT skill, challenging my unrealistic (unhelpful) thoughts and replacing them with more accurate and helpful ones. I also relied on calming and grounding skills if I felt uncertain, which helped me to push through the discomfort. Distress tolerance skills are vital for riding out those uncomfortable feelings which for me showed up as self-doubt of my abilities and experience, thinking everyone was looking at me in judgment, and feeling uncomfortable talking with strangers. Physically it looked like my heart racing, my voice shaking, getting hot and flushed, and my head pounding. I experienced it all for a minute until I used my skills and everything calmed down. I could feel my nervous system calm down and at that point, I felt more relaxed and comfortable. Why? Because the reality of my experience was no one knew anything about me, at least until I shared, they were all there for the same reason, and many had the same fears. So we were all just sitting there, in the same boat, and getting to know each other, sharing, and making the best of it. I made wonderful new connections, learned new skills, was validated in my knowledge and skills, and had a pretty damn good time, the same as I have this past week

My takeaway is this; had I given in to my fear, I would have never made so many wonderful connections, would have robbed myself of amazing opportunities, and most importantly, not shown myself just how strong and capable I am. I rediscovered the survivor and warrior deep inside me and learned she will never be hindered by fear again.

Whatever it is you want to master or conquer, go after it. Don’t allow yourself to be put into a box, don’t put yourself into a box. Fear is a concept within our heads, it does not exist outside of our heads, so don’t let it.

Go Slay Your Dragon!

For anyone struggling with self-doubt, imposter syndrome, or the fear of the unknown…I say acknowledge the fear or anxiety and do it anyway. We learn through experience and when you make it through, you will learn, A) it’s not as bad as you feared, and B) you made it without the sky falling. The next time it will get easier and easier.

So for anyone wanting to do or try something but isn’t doing it, just do it! Chase your dreams and go for it. You won’t regret it.