Finding Our Way Home: How Music Holds Our Memories

Music has a way of cutting through all the noise in your head and pulling you into another time and place. The first notes of “Can’t Find My Way Home” by Clapton and Winwood? They instantly take me back to a warm, peaceful night. I was in the passenger seat—eyes closed, which I never do—completely trusting the driver. The wind was in my hair, and for once, I wasn’t on edge. I wasn’t gripping the imaginary brake or scanning for danger. I just let go, and damn, it felt magical. For the first time in a long time, I felt calm, happy, and free.

But then there’s “Tunnel of Love” by Bruce Springsteen. That song used to hold so much joy—love, connection, warmth. It was a reminder of something beautiful. But now? It’s like a dagger straight to the chest. It’s no longer about love; it’s about pain, regret, and loss. Songs like that don’t just remind you of what you’ve been through—they make you feel it all over again.

And that’s the thing about music. It’s powerful. It can lift you up, soothe your soul, and remind you of the good times. But it can also drag you back into the shit you’ve tried so hard to leave behind.

The Double-Edged Sword of Music

The Good Side:

Some songs are like a warm blanket on a cold night. They remind you of a time when everything felt right, when you were happy, safe, or at peace. “Can’t Find My Way Home” does that for me—it’s tied to a memory of trust, freedom, and letting go.

The Not-So-Good Side:

Then there are the songs that feel like emotional landmines. For me, “Tunnel of Love” is one of those. It used to be tied to love and happiness, I still remember the very first time I heard it, again as a passenger in the car on a beautiful cool evening. But now it’s a reminder of what’s gone, what didn’t last, and what hurts. Music like that can feel like betrayal—it once made you smile, and now it leaves you feeling gutted.

How Music Impacts Us Cognitively, Physically, and Emotionally

Music doesn’t just hit your ears—it rewires your brain, affects your body, and messes with your emotions.

Cognitive Impact

Music taps into areas of the brain associated with memory, emotion, and processing. When you hear a song, your brain links it to where you were, what you felt, and even what you smelled or touched at that moment. That’s why “Can’t Find My Way Home” pulls me into that calm night drive, and “Tunnel of Love” triggers memories of loss. Music helps you process complex emotions, but it can also unlock memories you weren’t prepared to face.

Physical Changes

Listening to music triggers real physiological responses. A soothing tune can lower your heart rate and blood pressure, relax tense muscles, and even slow your breathing. On the flip side, a song tied to trauma or loss can set off your fight-or-flight response. Your pulse quickens, your body tenses, and your chest feels tight. These reactions aren’t just in your head—they’re your body’s way of reliving the emotional intensity tied to the song.

Emotional Impact

Emotionally, music amplifies what you’re already feeling. If you’re calm and content, a soothing song can deepen that peace. But if you’re grieving, an emotional ballad can rip open wounds and leave you reeling. Music doesn’t just reflect your mood—it shapes it. That’s why it can be such a powerful tool for healing or, conversely, a dangerous trigger.

Music as a Coping Mechanism and a Trigger

As a Coping Tool:

Music can be a lifeline when life gets heavy. It can help you unwind, process emotions, or even escape reality for a little while. Songs like “Can’t Find My Way Home” remind me that peace and trust are possible, even when life feels chaotic.

As a Trigger:

But music can also catch you off guard. You hear those first few notes, and suddenly you’re not in control anymore. A song like “Tunnel of Love” doesn’t just bring back the memory of love—it drags up the heartbreak that followed, too. It’s a double-edged sword, capable of both healing and harm.

Why Do Songs Hit So Hard?

Music doesn’t just sit in your ears. It digs deep into your brain and hooks into your memories, emotions, and even your senses. Your brain makes connections between the song, the emotions you felt, and the moment you lived. So when a song like “Can’t Find My Way Home” plays, it brings back that calm and trust. But when “Tunnel of Love” plays, it triggers every bit of regret, heartbreak, and loss tied to it.

The kicker is that this happens automatically. You don’t get to control it. Your body reacts before you even realize it—your chest tightens, your eyes sting, and suddenly you’re right back in that moment.

What To Do When a Song Hurts

1. Recognize the Trigger

Pay attention to your body. Clenching your fists, feeling tense, or tearing up? Catching the reaction early can help you manage it.

2. Have a Plan

      •   Ground Yourself: Focus on your breath or what’s physically around you. Name what you see, touch, or smell.

      •   Reframe the Moment: Remind yourself that you’re not back in the past. You’re safe now, even if the memory feels overwhelming.

      •   Turn It Off: It’s okay to skip the song if it’s too much. Or even ask your AI to never play the song again. I do both.

3. Be Kind to Yourself

Don’t beat yourself up for reacting. These emotions are normal, and you’re human. Feeling them is part of the process.

4. Get Some Help

If certain songs or memories are messing with your head on a regular basis, therapy can help. A therapist like me will help you process the emotions tied to those memories and find ways to move forward.

Turning Pain into Progress

Here’s the truth: some songs will always sting. But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck in the pain they bring. Therapy is a place where you can work through those memories, understand the triggers, and even find ways to make peace with the past.

For example, “Tunnel of Love” doesn’t have to stay a symbol of heartbreak forever. With time and healing, it could become a reminder of resilience—of everything I’ve endured and how far I’ve come.

Let’s Work Together

If you’re tired of carrying the weight of old memories or feeling like your past has too much power over your present, I’m here to help. Therapy is a way to unpack the crap, figure out what’s really going on, and build tools to navigate it all.

You can reach me at:

   •   Phone: 512-910-4097

   •   Email: Adrienne@strongselfpsychotherapy.com

   •   www.strongselfpsychotherapy.com

The truth is, we all have songs that tell our story—the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. But you don’t have to face those memories alone. Whether you’re holding onto trust, freedom, or regret, there’s a way forward. Let’s rewrite your soundtrack together.